Why do we do this and how can we stop?

These memories can be from the distant past or maybe even last week. But the common factor is that they upset us and make us feel bad.

Only One Good Reason to Focus on Bad Memories

Usually focusing on the past is a waste of time and hurtful. But there can be an important reason to take the time to think about what and why certain things happened.

What are some reasons that it make sense to focus on past situations that make us angry, sad, helpless, guilty or whatever bad feeling you get?

Protect Yourself From Now On

The only reason to do this – and even this reason will be short-lived – is in order to learn the lesson we need to learn so we never have this happen again.

So it’s okay to think about it from the standpoint of “never again will this happen to me!” and then actually making a strategy to protect yourself.

Now only memorize the strategy and the empowered feeling you get when you are helping yourself and putting your best interest as a top priority.

Example: Whenever (insert name here) starts putting me down I will quickly hang up the phone or leave the room. I will use my feelings to judge when to do this. Anytime I feel BAD I will activate this strategy.

Note: Using our feelings as warning systems works well around passive-aggressive type people. They are so skilled at hiding attacks behind a “nice” image that you must rely on your feelings to protect yourself.

So now you have a protective strategy. But what if you start running the same old bad feeling – bad place tape through your head again and again. What will you do?

You will have a strategy for this too!

Pick a New Tape to Run

The best thing I know to do when old tapes insist on filling our head with thoughts that are not helpful is this: replace them with memories or thoughts that make us feel good.

But sometimes we feel like NOTHING feels good and it seems like there are NO good replacements. What to do then?

Look around and find the littlest thing you like – even a bit. For example, I love the beautiful blue color of the sheets on my bed and also the color in a quilt I have. Just looking at it makes me happier. I know it’s a small thing but it gets me in a slightly better mood.

Feeling Better Now

From this better feeling place I can easily think of something else I feel happy about – like my cozy new socks or my cuddly little dog.

Now I’m feeling like I’m sort of lucky to have these things. In other words, I’m starting to feel much better and stronger.

Other ideas: looking at nature is always good and it’s always available too.

It’s a good idea to make a list of things you like when you’re feeling good already. Only list things that make you feel 100% good. Make sure there is no hint of feelings of envy, self-pity, jealousy or any other negative feeling.

Be sure that most of these good things on your list are simple pleasures. Remember – the small and simple things often bring us great joy.

Now when the bad times come you will have your “good things list” ready to help you. You are taking care of yourself ahead of time.

The idea is to start very small and look for just one tiny thing we like. As we start small we can move into a place of greater joy where all the bad memories of the past are exposed as traps and snares leading to our downfall.

The Most Important Lesson of All

Realizing this, we learn that the most important lesson of all is to stay away from these bad and useless memories. They don’t serve our best interests at all.

Remember this: no matter what anyone else tells you or what has happened in the past – you have the power to choose what you think about and focus on today. Always choose the thing that makes you feel better, more strong and powerful.

Practice this every minute of the day. It gets easier the more you do it and the wonderful thing is this: your life will be filled with more of what you’re thinking about now – happiness and joy.

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1. Want More Happiness? Pamper Yourself!

Many women take wonderful care of their families and think nothing of sacrificing to pamper others. But when it come to ourselves we often never get around to the same nice treatment.

So much of our life is spent working or managing day to day responsibilities. Often the technology in our life means that we are always plugged into more information about things to do or things happening in the world that are distressing.

Take Care of Your Body

We even abuse ourselves by working too long, not relaxing, sitting at the computer for too many hours. Eventually we start to feel the pain of all of this abuse.

We aren’t happy anymore and it’s confusing because we seem to be doing so much.

The reason is this: we long to be cared for – but we wait for someone else to care for us.

It’s time to stop that kind of thinking and realize that we can give ourselves all the pampering we need and want.

The first step to pampering is to take care of your body.

Feel Good Ideas

Here are some ideas to get you started:

A soothing bath

Splurge on a pedicure

A relaxing massage

A good novel in bed

Enjoy a favorite treat

Walk barefoot in soft green grass

Take a nap in the sunshine

Go out at night and look at the stars

Do What Feels Best to You

Everyone has unique ideas about what is the best way to pamper yourself. The important thing is to add your favorites into your schedule every week.

It only takes a few minutes to do these body-friendly activities. So get started today and watch your happiness increase as you treat yourself with the love and respect you deserve.

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1. Stop Letting Bad Memories Ruin Your Life

When it comes to stress, you’re far from powerless—there are a number of positive habits and behaviors you can use to effectively manage your mental state and bring your stress under control.
The first thing to remember is that your mental state is your responsibility.

The simple truth is you can’t control how your boss acts. You can’t control what your partner says. You can’t control the driver who cuts you off in traffic. But you can control yourself.

Others will do what they do, but how you respond to them—whether you take it in stride or freak out—is your decision alone.

Take a moment to consider how you have been responding to the stressors in your life. Almost everyone has some habit they turn to when life gets rough—what’s yours?

Do you reach for a cigarette or alcoholic beverage? Do you take your stress out on others? Do you overeat? Though they might provide short term relief, these behaviors are ultimately self-destructive. They hold you back from what you really want—a peaceful, balanced and abundantly healthy mind and body.

Learning to Relax

So what can you do? Next time you notice yourself feeling like the sky is about to fall, quickly and effectively bring your thoughts into positive alignment with one of the following simple techniques:

* Deep breathing. When you become stressed, take a moment and pay close attention to your breathing. Shallow breathing leads to greater stress and more negative physical responses. So breathe deeply instead. Let your stomach expand and contract as you breathe in and out.

This is called diaphragmatic breathing. Count the seconds as you breathe in—one, two, three, four. Hold for another four seconds. Then exhale slowly, for eight whole seconds. Keep doing this until you relax.

* Mental imagery. If you observe your thoughts during stressful situations, you may be surprised by how negative they are. These thoughts create a kind of feedback loop that only reinforces your negative emotions and causes you to feel even more stressed. One way to break this pattern of negative thinking is with positive mental imagery.

Visualize the calmest, happiest and most comfortable setting you can imagine, and mentally place yourself right into the middle of it. It might be a warm sunny beach with a calm breeze, or a peaceful afternoon in your coziest chair. Whatever it is, picture it as vividly as you can.

Make it real. Involve all your senses—what do you see, smell, taste, hear, feel? Smile inside, and become involved in the scene as it unfolds.

* Muscle relaxation. It might sound counterintuitive, but to relax, sometimes you have to tense up! But only for a moment—tense and relax different parts of your body beginning and the top of your head and continuing down. Include your eyes, neck, jaw, shoulders, legs, feet and any other part of your body that feels tight. Tense up, then let go, and feel the tension flow out of you as you relax.

* Biofeedback. With biofeedback, you learn to control your mood through careful attention to your mental and physical state. The training is simple and inexpensive and can even be done at home using easy-to-use feedback equipment. If you want to, you can also schedule an appointment with a trained biofeedback practitioner who will walk you through techniques used to reduce and eliminate the negative effects of stress on the body.

The great thing about these techniques is that with practice they become almost effortless and so easy that you can use them in anywhere. When things get crazy and your life is most stressful, you might not be able to find a comfortable, quiet place to unwind, but you can still use these relaxation techniques to manage your emotions and reclaim control of your mental state.

Making this kind of real positive change is never easy, but it can save your life. Your health depends directly on how you manage your stress. So take a deep breath, and start helping yourself let it go.

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1. What is Anxiety?
2. How to Understand Anxiety and Depression

Image via Wikipedia

To make matters worse, we choose as a society to stigmatize depression and those who experience it often avoid seeking help for fear of being labeled mentally ill.

Although some types of depression require professional treatment, most all of us feel sadness and emptiness at certain times in our lives. Normal depression often occurs as a response to life circumstances and usually diminishes with time and activity.

More severe and chronic bouts of depression may require psychiatric evaluation and treatment. Though medication is sometimes prescribed, depressive episodes can often be successfully treated with counseling and a solid support system of family and friends.

Left untreated, depression can drastically affect a person’s quality of life. Feelings of loneliness and melancholy can make it difficult to break out of depression. This kind of suffering can often spiral into a deeper and more dangerous physical and emotional illness.

Self confidence, disposition, effective work life and the ability to reason effectively can all become casualties of depression. The resulting strain from can have harmful effects on relationships with loved ones and associates, all leading to further depression and negative self esteem.

Effective treatment may include psychotherapy sessions lasting from several weeks to several months where positive results are achieved by exploring a patient’s feelings over time and allowing them to open up and face the issues that are at the heart of their depression.

These conversations help a patient talk through their problems and sort out their feelings in a productive way.

As difficult as it seems, the best course of action is to take action. By recognizing how depression is affecting our lives, and reaching out for help, we can take the first steps toward healing and recovering our mental health.

The road to recovery begins by an honest evaluation and acknowledgment of our condition and a willingness to seek help.

Related articles about Depression Treatment:

• What is a Nervous Breakdown? (psychcentral.com)
• Study Cites Strong Link Between Obesity And Depression (inquisitr.com)
• Less Than One-Third of Adults with Mental Illness Will Get Help In 2009 (prweb.com)

The sheer magnitude of it all makes it difficult to find the time or the mindset to relax. When we do slow down, we find ourselves filling that time with television or the internet rather than a quiet afternoon walk or settling in on the couch with a good book.

This mental confusion that dominates our lives can have a serious negative effect on the mental well-being of some people. We’re all wired differently, and what seems unbearable to one person might seem perfectly acceptable to another.

Those who are particularly sensitive have difficulty sorting out their emotions, and anxiety and depression can result from their inability to process everything that’s happening in their lives.

What we sometimes refer to as a nervous breakdown, is the expression of this inability to cope.

Stress and anxiety can be heightened by diet and lack of exercise. Coffee, energy drinks and sugar can sometimes trigger responses in people that are out of the normal range.

For those who often feel anxious and overwhelmed, simple planning and attention to these triggers can make all the difference in the world. There may be times when nothing seems to calm the mind and outside help is needed.

Thankfully, there are answers and remedies for these feelings of helplessness. Although anxiety and depression cause a variety of responses in people, these responses are well documented. The alarming thoughts and behaviors experienced by some people can often be relieved by these therapies.

Depression can be expressed in a number of clinically documented ways:

Sometimes a change of season can have a debilitating effect on a person’s general wellbeing. Seasonal Affective Disorders occur most often in the fall and winter when there is less sunlight and people tend to stay inside more often. People who suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder also experience mood swings from anger to sadness to elation within a short period of time.

Postpartum depression experienced by women after childbirth causes a new mother to feel fear and apprehension at the great responsibility of caring for a newborn child. Often characterized by sadness, it is difficult for a woman to rise above her feelings of inadequacy to experience the great joy of her new baby.

Manic or Bipolar depression can cause drastic mood swings often teetering between extreme euphoria or feelings of elation and unbearable depression and helplessness.

Disthymia, though less severe than some types of depression is a chronic condition that effects the quality of life for those who suffer from it.

Cyclothemia, a condition similar but less severe than Manic or Bipolar depression can also cause drastic variations in a personÌs mood. Though experienced by both men and women, women tend to report a greater incidence of the disorder.

Certain forms of anxiety can be helpful at times by alerting our minds to action, and preparing us for stressful situations. Anxiety Depression does not fall into this category. General Anxiety Disorder is a form of anxiety depression that causes the sufferer to experience paranoia, inability to concentrate and erratic behavior.

Many disorders caused by or resulting in anxiety and depression can be treated with great success. Biofeedback, counseling and a variety of other therapies can be used to treat these conditions. For those who suffer chronic depression, diagnosis and treatment by a professional can bring relief and healing to those with little hope.

Related articles about Anxiety and Depression

• Build an LED Lamp That Simulates Sunrises and Sunsets [DIY] (lifehacker.com)
• Symptoms of Depression (fitnesstipsforlife.com)
• What is a Nervous Breakdown? (psychcentral.com)

Related posts:

1. What is Anxiety?
2. How to Cope With Stress for a Happier Life

Everyone you know seems to always say the same thing these days: I’m so stressed out. Life today is filled with pressure. Most of us are not prepared to deal with the stress and anxiety that our modern pressures of life generate.

As anyone who’s ever experienced anxiety will tell you it’s a miserable way to live. And not only is it a miserable way to live – but it can literally kill you. Anxiety and stress are the leading contributing factors in a multitude of diseases. Learning to deal with anxiety and stress is critical to your health.

In men, alcohol and drug abuse is the leading disorder and this is clearly related to anxiety and stress. The number one mental illness in America is anxiety disorder. Women are almost twice as likely as men to report suffering from anxiety and extreme stress. The most likely explanation for this is that men suffer in silence more often than women do.

Anxiety disorders are even more prevalent than depression. Anxiety disorders are a major health issue for senior citizens, and this problem will only increase as the American population ages. The cost to the United States for anxiety disorders is nearly 47 billion dollars per year.

Anxiety and stress are always experienced together. Stress in one form or another is the main cause of anxiety. Stress and anxiety account for most visits to primary care physicians. It is an underlying cause or major contributing factor to most diseases and chronic illnesses.

Learning to cope with stress before it becomes an incapacitating anxiety disorder is critical. No one should have to live a life of misery due to anxiety disorders. With the many tools and techniques available to help eliminate stress and to treat anxiety there is much hope in finding lasting relief from anxiety disorders.

Related posts:

1. How to Understand Anxiety and Depression
2. How to Cope With Stress for a Happier Life

According to an article in Psychology Today, if you accept that this is your life -  now – in all it’s positive and negative aspects, and just allow yourself to experience it, your life will open up in interesting ways you hadn’t expected.

Learn to let go of the exhausting search for something better and savor what is – right now. You should still have goals; just hold them lightly so that they don’t take over your present life. If you are working on a project that is a step to future goals then make sure you enjoy the process and are totally aware of the moment.

For tips and ideas about how to enjoy the journey of your life, visit Psychology Today.

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1. Omega-3′s Ease Depression

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1. Living In The Now Is The Secret To Happiness